People only know what you tell them!
I have shifted! At the very least, I set down and then refused to pick back up something inside of myself that was lodged, down deep, for many years.
My addiction, it turns out, has not been to technology. It might actually have been to ADRENALINE.
I am, at the moment, trying to figure out how to shift back into the productivity & service version of self. Crawling from my deeply needed regeneration space, I keep referring to as a Cave - it might actually have been a compost bin.
I was in this space for many many many months. While there, I realized that many people who know me now, haven’t known me long. And many who know me in one fractional part of my life don’t know me in another.
I have been able to compartmentalise my skillsets into various different aspects. Many people only know me in one capacity, but I literally contain multi-tudes. I redid my resume this last week and my god I have grown my skill tree exponentially these last 6 years since leaving the horrendous 70+ hr two full time jobs era in December of 2019. (My Saturn Return was insane. December ‘17-Dec ‘20)
I was at my part time restaurant job last week (a fact many do not know) & on Monday, 3 people who know me from different jobs I have recently had all came in randomly to eat. It was strange to have my lives all “context collapse” in the physical…
a Bartender I have known for 6 years who used to work service assistant shifts with me. He has seen me at my most exhausted, frustrated, limited capacity & still calls me friend.
a Hypnotherapy who works for a local cooperatively owned wellness center that I did brand-midwifery for. She only knows me as the intuitive & designer version of me.
a very kind Metaphysical Practitioner I have crossed paths with in town a handful of times came in for her birthday dinner with a friend. She didn’t know I taught classes. I hadn’t brought it up…
The next day, Tuesday, the parents of a child that used to go to my son’s preschool, (that I manifested at the end of my street - a separate story for another time) who didn’t know I worked at the restaurant came in to eat as well. They had never seen me outside of the contexts of “childhood educator/Mother.”
All of my identities came into clear view very quickly. Each viewer only knew me in one way, from one angle. And I have felt even more identity-fractured as I have grappled with how to reposition and market my work with Alembic. How to market effectively & clearly while maintaining my distance from hyperstimulation & too much adrenaline. How to share my work without triggering my flight reflex.
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Story break:
I love organizing other people’s things.
A few years ago, I was ‘hired’ by a friend to help her marie-kondo (this is verb now, right?) her life & then redecorate her apartment. We went through every drawer & box - through every ounce of her randomness. Not even a single piece of paper was overlooked. Each scrap was observed for context & then placed in its newly designated folder. We sorted through, separated, then bagged up all of her old clothes, under-worn shoes. We hung her jewelry, changed out her bed sheets, helped her buy new lamps. It was an incredible experience: an entire day of talking & connecting, observing my friend at her most open. It was a lesson to me - intention & attention are vital + a little bit of external motivation can go a long, long way.
We were both severely broke at the time so she paid me in deer bones - if you know me at all, this was a more than adequate exchange.
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I’ve been doing variations of this sort of work for years. Whether it is Tarot reading for individuals going through major plot-points in their lives or building support systems with service providers just starting out on their path. All of the various forms of my work have been rooted in trying to get back to a level of intimacy, support, play & joy. To allow individuals to unfold a little, press out the creases that have formed from being wound so tightly by our culture.
I am going to be re-defining my offerings, tailored very specifically for the a-typical thinker, the sentimental, the mystically minded:
Tarot as support tool for those seeking sovereignty & self-determination. Client sessions will primarily focus on project planning, storyboarding, collaborative brainstorming, & visioning for the Future.
Organisation Services for those looking to rebuild & enrich relationship with their possessions, physical space, & spiritual practice after life got in the way. Deeply influenced by the analog resurgence, I will be leaning into the physical & the sacred.
Metaphysical Educational opportunities for those who are new to the path but want to feel supported, without being pandered to. If you are looking to work with me, you have your feet in the water but you’re not ready to fully dive in. I’m like a swimming instructor, teaching you to navigate the open waters.
There is so much more to say but I will leave you now with a few recommendations & a quote:
Leonora Carrington’s “The Hearing Trumpet” - I’m about halfway through this sillystrange book (bought my copy from The Green Ray here in Nashville, an amazingly quirky little shop of wonders) about a very old woman seeking one last adventure. The tone, the characters…! Hilarious, intense, Memento Mori finery.
Turn your yard (or your neighbors?) into a Wildlife Sanctuary! NWF offers certifications to keep your city counsel from sending a codes violation to your door. It really works - we cut our grass 2x a year now!
If you are tired of your usual podcast rotation and don’t mind your YouTube algorithm getting reeeeeallly weird, go put on a ContraPoints video while you fold laundry & prepare to be educated in the most amazing way. She did one on the Twilight series that I actually quite enjoyed but the Conspiracy video is a masterpiece.
“I have plenty of machinery around me; what I really need is a more enchanting world in which to live and work.”
― Thomas Moore, The Re-Enchantment of Everyday Life
